“Say ‘No’ to Zombies” Day 20-22

What happens when a person with some common sense wakes up to a “zombie apocalypse”? Shit gets done, that’s what.

Spoiler: the dog doesn’t die.

Please note: this work of fiction involves a lot of swear words/cussing and adult themes. Kiddos beware.

May 7th

9:51 pm

I’ve given up on trying to keep track of what day it is. Well, as in Day 1 of Fuckyou, not the calendar date.

So, last night.

Apparently the military had put the drawbridge up to keep the trolls out of their camp. We didn’t manage to flag down the guys they had on watch until the sun was up, and then we had to wait a couple hours before they would lower the bridge again. Protocol or something? I don’t know. Scott was the one who talked to them. I fell back to walk with Abby and the kids.

As soon as we were on the other side of the bridge, they lifted it again. (That part makes sense. It’s one direction less to worry about.)

So yeah, we’re at an army camp thing. I don’t remember what they called it. Mobile base? Anyway. We’re in our tents. The army is on watch tonight, so we’re taking a break. Except for Micah. Mike told one of the soldiers about Micah’s little stunt the other day. They’ve put him to work. Jason went to bed with a big ol’ smile on his face.

Smug little shit, but I can’t really blame him. Micah’s been a little asshole from the beginning. Even Melly is getting sick of his attitude. She asked one of the soldiers for permission to stop at the gas station we passed by, and snagged a couple things of Twinkies to share with the kids. She gave Jason an extra one.

We can only stay tonight. The army packs up first thing in the morning, so we have to be ready to go, too. I had Scott talk to the people in charge about possibly leaving the drawbridge down. If there are any survivors following the same path as us, they could really use that bridge, and with the way we have the cars parked on it, it’d be hard for the trolls to get across. They told him they’d think about, but they couldn’t make any promises.

What else…ah, they gave us a little bit of a heads up.

They said to avoid any and all major cities. Not to even go near them. Stick to off-road as much as possible, and when it’s not possible, only use the backroads. With all the bombing going on, the trolls are out in force, following the noise and the vibration of the ground (they can feel the vibrations?!). They also said something about the smell they give off is pheramones (sp?). If they are injured, the pheromones (just playing with spelling now, I haven’t the slightest fucking idea how it’s spelled) change.

It acts as a warning to other trolls that there is danger nearby, I guess. Now I’m wondering if there’s a way to use that to our advantage. Kinda like the scent bombs, but with pheromones (I think this one is right…) instead. Maybe do some massive damage to trolls in one area, and then clear out and hope that they’re drawn to the source. We’ll have to make sure we don’t get any of the blood on us, but it’s worth a shot.

I’m just glad they warned us before we tried that “wear the guts as camouflage” trick. Talk about a fucking shitstorm there, ugh.

Also found out why we haven’t came across any half-eaten trolls. Mr. Army guy said that if the person dies before the virus takes over, the body does not reanimate. If the person is bit though, and escapes without being killed, then they’re screwed. They’re still testing if amputation of the wounded limb works, so no news there.

And still no news on how it started.

Oh my fucking god, I’m an idiot. I JUST thought of this: instead of sleeping out in the open on the bridge, we could’ve slept IN THE CARS. Couldn’t’ve started them, but at least we would’ve had some protection. God I’m an idiot.

Ugh, I’m going to bed. I am so fucking done with my own brain.


May 8th

8:28 pm

Camping in the woods again, woohoo. At least we’re all somewhat rested this time. Except for Micah, of course.

Before we left, GI Awesome gave Micah a choice: apologize to each of us for being a dumbass and putting us all at risk, or they would take him with them, and he’d be their official running boy. He apologized twice to Jason, and, the kicker: “Please Sir, teach me the proper way to pitch tents, Sir!”

So. He helped set up the tents tonight. We didn’t put him on watch duty. That was just common sense, really. They kept him moving almost all night, and then we walked all day today. Putting him on watch tonight would just be setting him up to fail, and I’m not that mean. Plus, Abby and Karla vetoed it.

He will be on watch duty tomorrow night, though.

GI Awesome pulled me aside while we were packing up this morning. Either Micah ran his mouth, or we suck at being sneaky. Either way, Mr. Army dude wanted to fill me in on another bit of information. One that sucks on a truly FUCK YOU level:

The trolls are learning.

He said it’s like the virus is learning how to operate the brain. That’s why the bodies aren’t decaying. The brain isn’t dead, it’s been…hijacked? I guess? I dunno, it sounds too ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’, but I don’t know how else to explain it.

Not really important, I suppose. What is important is that they’re beginning to get their eye-hand coordination and motor skills back. They’re figuring out how to open doors and climb stairs.

That’s why they made the decision to bomb the big cities. They had planned on going door to door to clean out the cities. They wanted as little destruction as possible so the areas could be reclaimed, but when they went their drones in, they discovered that the number of trolls on the streets had grown much larger than it should’ve been. They actually watched a troll walk up to a door, and try the door knob. It opened up, and they went in.

As far as he knows of, going down stairs might still be a hassle for them, but we shouldn’t count on it, and locking doors is now a priority.

Anyway, right now, the theory is that it’s the older ones that are learning. They’ve spent more time in the body, so the virus has had more time to map out the brain, I guess? I’m getting really tired of saying ‘I dunno’, but it’s the truth. I do not fucking know.

Hold on. Sorry, had to check on the new guy.

Yeah, that was the other thing. Sometime last night, the soldiers brought in a survivor, though we’re not sure how much of a survivor this guy is. He kinda reminds me of that old guy from the first season of The Walking Dead. I don’t remember his name, but the guy with RV. This guy is a little bit younger. I think, anyway. Mike and Karla are in their 60’s, but this guy looks more like he’s in his 40’s. I’m terrible at guessing ages, so I could be way off base. Dunno.

The medics said he was conscious when they found him. They think he’s just severely dehydrated. They didn’t see any bite marks, and when they drew blood, it showed up as normal. They didn’t want to take him with them, so the GI guy pretty much bribed us to take him.

We are now the proud owners of a box of hand grenades, and the adults all have a gun. Not sure what kind these are, but I guess they’re a standard issue? We also have a crate of bullets. We were warned to be careful with supplies (duh). The bullets will not magically restock themselves. We were also reminded that this is not a movie or a tv show (imagine that), so the guns will not reload themselves either. Scott already promised to work with us, so we’re good on that front.

He gave us 5 extra guns, too. For when the youngsters grow up a little. Honestly, I think he was just trying to unload a bunch of crap on us, which isn’t fair, considering they have jeeps and tanks to carry their shit, and we’re walking, but whatever. Scott looked over the guns, and they passed his muster, so maybe I‘m just being paranoid and/or bitchy because we got saddled with another dead weight.

Whatever. The guy is on an IV (another present from GI Here, Take This), so we have him in one of the wagons, and Chloe in another. We’re supposed to change out the IV, preferably without killing the guy. Something about air bubbles and embolism? (Imbolism? Whatever.) I thought those were just made up for tv shows, but I guess not.

Let’s see, what else. We’re camped in the woods..um…near a stream/small river thing. We didn’t really have a chance to scavenge, so we’ll be doing that tomorrow.

Ugh, I am jumping at every sound. I’ve told the scouting members of our little party about the trolls learning shit, but not the others. I only told the scouts cause they’re the ones who will be in the most danger. I don’t want to scare the others more than I have to.

Fuck it, I’m going to patrol. Tomorrow we start heading for the river. GI Information said to stay away from bridges and tunnels, so we have to keep an eye out for boats along the way. I am not looking forward to the next couple days.


3:38 am

IV Man woke up. His name is Roger and he’s a vet. He was trying to make his way to Richmond but got turned around somehow. Gave him some food and switched him over to drinking water. He said he’ll take care of taking out the IV himself.

Not much help to us, but if he survives the trip, he could be useful at dad’s. Now it’s back to sleep for me. Hopefully, anyway.


May 9th

8:43 pm

We’re in a house/farm thing. Well, actually, we’re in the barn. The owners are still human, but they’re not all that welcoming, I guess you could say. They don’t trust us, which is understandable. We don’t really trust them either. We’re keeping two guards at the door, and Scott is trying to figure out the crossbows. They should be easy enough to use. Put the arrow thingy in the slot, pull it back and pull the trigger. Not sure if that’s how it really works, but it’d be nice if we could get it sorted. Then we’d have a quiet weapon. We could even use it to launch scent bombs and whatnot. Plus, and this is just going out on a limb here, but I think arrows might be easier to make than bullets.

I’m not on watch tonight. I’ve either caught a cold or my allergies are kicking up. Been snifflin’ and sneezing since I woke up. We did some scavenging on the way here. Didn’t get a whole lot, but it should last us another couple days. We’ll be eating a lot of ramen, but we already kinda knew that was gonna happen.

Roger is doing much better. He’s a real quiet guy. Not sure if it’s just who he is, or if he’s shellshocked or what. He went through the meds we still had from NY.

Pro tip: if you raid a pharmacy, make sure you have a cooler for medicines that require refrigeration. You know, like the shit ton of insulin we picked up. Our medicine box is looking pitiful now. And I’m not sure how we’re gonna restock it, with all the cities being blown sky high. We can try raiding the small town pharmacies along the way, but I’m not really sure how well stocked they’ll be.

Blah. I took some cold medicine before I started writing this. It’s starting to kick in, so I’m gonna go turn in.

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