Asking for help is a GOOD thing.

I am seriously using EVERY SINGLE TAG I use for this, because this is important. A cry for help should not EVER be ignored, and the person ASKING for help should never be made to feel like they are somehow LESS for NEEDING that help.

If you are shot, you go to a doctor. If you break an arm or a leg, you go to the doctor. You don’t feel ashamed for needing help THEN, why should you when the pain is INSIDE you? When it is a literally LIFE THREATENING injury/illness? And yes, people, it IS life threatening. Or do you think they were just playing with the noose around their neck? Or the bullet hole in their head? Or maybe the slit wrists and the mountain of fucking pills in their stomach.

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE.

Do you know WHY so many people don’t get the help they need? Because there are dickholes out there who are mocking them. Who dismiss the cries for help as a “phase” until the person finally gets to the point where they think “why bother?”

And then those same assholes have the nerve to say “I don’t understand…what happened?”

YOU happened, asshole. You and the rest of society who have pushed them down one too many times, without even a backwards glance, much less a helping hand to get them back on their feet.

Their blood is on YOUR hands. And don’t you EVER fucking forget it.

 

**Note: To those of you who actually reach out to those who need help, this is NOT directed at you. And please, never change that part of you. We need more people like you.**

First off… no one panic, I’m not suicidal. Yes, I get down and feel like wtf is the point at times. I hate having to work when I know life is short and I’m not happy at my job and I keep thinking.. no one cares. If I died tomorrow, there’d be some poor schmuck […]

via Suicide… 4 words: Listen, I need help! — Kawanee’s Korner

Yuck. Another eye update.

Okay, so yesterday was my follow-up appointment about the mass behind my eye.

Apparently it is a tumor of some kind. They don’t know if it’s cancerous or not, and because of that, they can’t do a biopsy while it is still inside me. They have to remove it. So…surgery. For sure. Yay. /sarcasm.

No news yet on when the surgery will be. They had to send me in for an MRI to get a better look at the tumor first (Pro tip: Do not wear your hair in a ponytail when you are getting an MRI. By the time they were done, it felt like I had been stabbed in the back of the head). I have been warned that it may be a complicated surgery, depending on if the tumor has attached itself to bone and/or tissue. They have to make sure to get all of the tumor out, because if they don’t, and it turns out that it is cancerous, it can come back as very malignant and aggressive.

They wanted to send me to Houston for the surgery, but they’re not even sure if the hospital there accepts people without insurance. There’s also the problem that even if they do accept non-insured patients, it would be ass expensive, and I can’t afford it.

I’ve already applied for medicaid and was turned down (I don’t make enough. Not sure how exactly that makes sense, but that’s what it said). I also tried to sign up through the Affordable Healthcare thing, but open enrollment was closed. And now, thanks to Fuckhead in Chief, it’s about to go the way of the dinosaurs anyway. So yeah, I’m screwed seven ways to sunday on that one.

On the plus side, I get to see my mother soon. She’s supposed to come out and visit sometime in the next couple weeks, and possibly my sister as well. Still trying to work that one out. My sister said she will definitely be here for the surgery, but we’re not sure how long the recovery time for it is, so just…ugh. It’s a mess.

I called my mom and my sister both last night to give them the news and to get the freakouts out of the way. It’s seriously not that big of a deal yet, but ahh, family. At least they’re doing the freaking out for me, which means I can concentrate on homework, lol.

Ugh, this surgery better not mess with my GPA.

My mother is made of amazing.

She just bought me a laptop. How did I repay her? By singing “The song That Never Ends” until she finally found the button to hang up on me.

Hey, in my defense, the woman tried to kill me last night! See, her doctors told her not to eat red meat anymore. She didn’t realize that BEEF was red meat until yesterday, apparently. So we’re talking about what she eats. She likes hamburgers, which okay, she knew THAT was beef, so it counts as red meat. Then she said she likes Arby’s roast beef.

Me: “That’s red meat too.”
her: “It is?”
me: “Yes…it’s- “
her: “but it’s not beef, it’s roast be-….oh.”

I was choking on AIR. I was still coughing at six am this morning. So yeah. It was justified, even with the laptop!

Such wonderful times [/sarcasm]

I don’t know what it is about me and academics, but for some reason, the universe seems to hate us being together. Star-crossed lovers and whatnot, I guess?

Last June, right in the middle of my first term back in college, my brother-in-law died. That was…hell. To put it nicely, and it hasn’t gotten any better, with one pile of bullshit after another following it – and that’s not including the four or five other deaths we had in the family…all within a single month. Feel free to re-read that a couple times to reassure yourself that there are no typos, nor am I exaggerating. Five deaths in a single month. 

This term, just as I had two big papers due, my best friend’s husband ended up in the ICU. Now, I saw best friend, but she’s more like an adopted sister and my boss. I work for her and her husband, taking care of their two children while they work. Since school is in, Brian and Kristy (their parents) usually got them up and ready for school. With Brian being in the ICU, and Kristy being up at the hospital with him, I was pulling double duty for a little over a week. Getting the kids up and ready for school, taking care of the dog (a chore I usually shared with Brian), helping pick up the kids from school, feeding them, scheduling in time for them to video chat with their parents at night before they went to bed. And my classes. 

Thankfully, he’s out of the hospital and is back home, but the past two weeks have not been fun. Now my term is coming to an end, and a new one starts in about three weeks. Keep your fingers crossed nothing else bad happens in the next couple months.