So I’ve recently decided that I am going to walk a mile a day. Most of the time, I’m by myself, so I’ll call my mom or my sister for company, but my niece has also joined me a few times. Last night was one of those times.
She’s ten, but she’s pretty good company. We talk about astronomy, her day at school, and her latest obsession: the possibility of a zombie outbreak.
Last night was a zombie night. She was asking me all kinds of questions about what I would do if I saw a zombie, where would I run, etc.. I asked her a few questions, as well, and guess what?
Apparently my ten year old niece is smarter than most people in zombie movies/tv shows.
Me: If you saw a dead body and you weren’t sure if it was a zombie, would you poke at it to see if it was really dead?
Her: of course not!
Me: If you knew zombies could find you if you made noise, would you start yelling or shooting guns?
Her: that’s just stupid!
Me: if you weren’t sure a person was a zombie or not, would you let them get near you?
Me: Congratulations.You’re smarter than the grown ups on tv.
Her: That’s just sad.
She just bought me a laptop. How did I repay her? By singing “The song That Never Ends” until she finally found the button to hang up on me.
Hey, in my defense, the woman tried to kill me last night! See, her doctors told her not to eat red meat anymore. She didn’t realize that BEEF was red meat until yesterday, apparently. So we’re talking about what she eats. She likes hamburgers, which okay, she knew THAT was beef, so it counts as red meat. Then she said she likes Arby’s roast beef.
Me: “That’s red meat too.”
her: “It is?”
me: “Yes…it’s- “
her: “but it’s not beef, it’s roast be-….oh.”
I was choking on AIR. I was still coughing at six am this morning. So yeah. It was justified, even with the laptop!
Decided to take a few random pictures, and I suddenly remembered this little pretty. Ladies, Gentlemen, and everything in between or neither, allow me to introduce Style:
One of my best friends gave her to me. Bought her at some trade show thing, I think. It’s been a couple years, I don’t remember for sure. I’m not sure how much use she’d actually be – I don’t know how strong the blade is – but she’s a pretty little thing.
The kids yesterday:
Koda (to me): I’m going to paint you pink!
Nate: I’m going to paint the dog red!
Koda: mommy will beat your butt!
Me: yeah, and what do you think your mommy will do if you paint me pink?
….well, she’s not wrong.
Random bit of brain-droppings (as a friend called it)
“This is all your fault!”
My best friend slid into the booth next to me and signaled for the waitress blithely. “My, don’t you look cheery today. What’s wrong? A little too much urine in your breakfast cereal of choice?”
“My dog is dead; my wife has left me; my family is two heartbeats from disowning my ass; the family preacher won’t return my phone calls; and it is All. Your. Fault.”
“You don’t know he’s dead…he probably just ran away.” My friend didn’t even bother looking at me. “Your wife has, literally, slept with just about every man in town, and half the women; your family are a bunch of hypocrites, and your preacher is a sanctimonious prick.” He shrugged. “So even if it were somehow my fault, and I don’t see how it possibly could be, you should be thanking me, not glaring at me like you’re measuring me for a coffin.”
In other news, ETLAN is coming along great. Finally got the rewrite done for chapter 4, and the editing is done for up to chapter 9. Yay for progress!
Roommates had me drive their van yesterday. Assorted comments from their kids in the backseat:
“Are we going to die?”
“Are you going to kill us?”
“Tiff, are you trying to break the van so daddy can fix it again?”
“DADDY, WATCH OUT! SHE’S TRYING TO KILL YOU!”
That even BETTER moment when you write yourself out of one block….and into another. Wtf brain, wtf?!
Ahh, that lovely moment when you tell your story “Hey, this is what happens next.” And it looks right back at you and laughs….and laughs…and. Well. Laughs.